This was a post I never published from the beginning of this year. 2009 sucked, and the beginning of 2010 was even worse. Now I know why I never published this post, it's so depressing, but really just a journal entry from my life at the moment. Right after this journal entry below at the beginning of january 2010 I got the flu so bad that I lost like 10 pounds, and then of course I got my vertigo and headaches again, which continued to go on, and on, and on forever, until February 1st, 2010 I finally had to see my physician. I refused to go to the ER, even though my neurologist brother told me to go. I was lossing my mind, my headache was so bad I couldn't eat or sleep for three days, nothing helped, I was literally going crazy. Smells made me sick, food made me sick. Imagine that you have all of the worst symptoms of a pregnancy of everything makes you sick, smells, food, you name it, than have an incredible migraine on top of it that you don't know how to fix. Know I know why we need sleep, it is very important. I went to see my doctor, with my pediaylte in one hand, and my vomit bag in the other. I was in a very bad place, I had what they call a "status migranosis" which is basically the worst headache ever, and can induce a stroke or other very bad things if not treated because the blood vessels in my brain were working overtime. I was finally able to get the attention and treatment from the right doctors who could not ignore my symptoms anymore. It was a mixed blessing in disguse that I hope to never go through again. Before this, I had not been able to get the right treatment because my symptoms were all over the place and they didn't know how to treat me. It is nice to be able to talk about it know, it wasn't until July I can say that I am back to normal. I still have migraines all the time, but my meds are helping tremendously and I will probably have to take them for the rest of my life,or else suffer from migraines daily and vertigo.
It has been 2 and 1/2 years since my first vertigo attack that has changed my life for ever. This is my new life, and that's ok. I know how to deal with it now, and knowing that I will never have to suffer like I did the past 2 and 1/2 years is very comforting in itself. I was starting to get some anxiety from the fact that I never knew when my vertigo was going to strike and keep me down for 6 weeks. I never have to miss out on life again. Yeah!! No more anxiety, I just carry around my meds with me. I had a migraine yesterday, and possibly having one come on today, but I know that I can receive treatment and medicate myself to stop the migraine, vertigo, or both, or lessen it atleast. Thank you to modern medicine, I love you, i love you, i love you!!! I can finally say that life is great again, it's a great feeling. By the way I was offically diagnosed with Vertiginous migraines, meaning I have vertigo and I have migraines, that may or may not happen at the same time. I could have told them that. But I didn't realize how nice it would be to have an official diagnosis, it only took a dozen doctor visits at Mayo Clinic with neurology, ENT, and multiple specialist in both areas, lots and lots of testing, and $10,000. But hey, now I know, and knowing is have the battle. I am such a stronger person because of all this, if I can survive that while trying to care for my kids, I can do anything.
Original post 1/12/2010:
Well we have had some great things happen in our family, and some not so great things. 2009 has by far been the toughest year of my life. I had several reoccurances of Vertigo that have just rocked my world. Most of 2009, beginning in January, I have been ill with Vertigo and had severe problems with my eyes, that I would say that I am so happy to see 2010. I hope that this year things will be better. I don't understand what is going on with my no-name illness that I just call"Vertigo". The first half of the year I spent sick to my stomach and very weak due to so much vertigo, just to be replaced by a rediculous nonstop horrible headache the entire second half of 2009. Lets just say I will never go on a rollercoaster again if I don't have to. I felt like I was on a rollercoaster this whole past year and at the moment I am glad to be off. I really count my blessings and am so grateful for my health when I feel good, or really, when then the world isn't spinning. My family has been great. There have been good things to come out of this. My children have been somewhat forced to learn to take care of themselves when it comes to it. Brecklen is so sweet. He is so proud of the fact that he can make lunch for our family when I really need him to. He is such a sweetheart.
I had a neuroconsult last January and an MRI in February. That was a scary time. I was trully afraid that I may have a tumor or something. But my MRI was clean and to be honest the neurologist didn't really know what to tell me. I can't belive that was a year ago.
Most of my time is either spent sick , getting over my vertigo and the affects of it, or planning for the next one since I have had them so often. I hope that I will have some more free time this year to actually see my friends and pursue a hobby even. I really just need to clean my house.
I think the hardest thing about the vertigo has been that I just can't take care of my kids the way I would have hoped. I have fallen short of my expectation, and through many tears and conversations with my sisters and mom, I am still trying to cope with the fact that I am only doing my best. I miss my mom dearly when I just need an extra set of arms. When things are good, I try to make up for it, but this really weighs on my conscience. Taking care of Madelyn has been the single biggest trial. We have survived. I don't know if it has neccisarily made us a stronger family, I hope so, but we have all learned how to help one another when in need. For that I am grateful.
