My month of Hell

Today is my one month mark for coming down with the most random illness ever. I am still recooperating, although doing much, much better.

For those sick of looking at my raccoon picture, here is my adventure of the last month. Forewarning, it is going to be an epic, because some day when I look back on this I will wonder if it really was that bad, and I can say yes, it was, but it also could have been so much worse-I don't have a terminal illness, atleast I think this will go away. First of all I'm still alive (not that I would have died from this, but sometimes it felt that way), second, I can stand on my own two feet, still dizzy and nauseous, but I can stand, although my mom can say I'm not a very nice person right now. I am grumpy from feeling crappy, it still is uncomfortable to stand and pretend that I'm all there. But it is nice to interact with my kids again, although I feel we have some role reversal going on. Brecklen will hold out his hand and slowly guide me to what he wants me to see. He has really grown up, and I am so proud of him for that.

A month ago I was cleaning my house in a rage as I sometimes do when no one seems to be bothering me. To back up, I was feeling very sick all day. Threw up many times that morning, chalked it up to morning sickness, probably still was. I was supposed to do some errands, since the kids were at preschool, but decided to treat myself to a pedicure that was given to me for a birthday present. In hindsight that was the best thing I ever did. I usually don't do stuff like that for myself and it felt sooo good. Although I never understood a word anyone said to me since the moment I walked in to get the pedicure. What a strange place, I felt like I was in a foreign country.

Anyway back to the cleaning.... I was feeling a little better in the evening, so I decided to clean my house. I always do so in a panic because I never know how long I will have to be left alone, or how long before my nausea catches up with me and I'm forced to stop. I was putting clothes away in Brecklen's room sitting on his bed when all of the sudden I felt this overwhelming sense of nausea and dizziness. I ran to the bathroom to take a Zofran (I owe my life to this saint of anti-nausea medicine), and just layed on the couch. I felt awful! I waited for the Zofran to kick in but it never did. Aric took the kids on a walk and I declined to go. When they came back 2 hours later I was still in the same position. I tried to help give the kids a bath but I was useless. I didn't know what was wrong with me. But little did I know the worst was yet to come. That whole night I tossed and turned all feeling very dizzy.

About 5:30am I woke up and opened my eyes and my eyes wouldn't stop moving and the world was spinning very rapidly. I woke up Aric after a couple of minutes. I thought I was going to lose my eyesight because my eyes just wouldn't quit moving, which I found out was a nystagmas (jumpy eyes). That was really scary, I was freaking out. I tried to walk and didn't get anywhere. Right back to bed. Aric got up to look into it. I have never been so happy that he is a doctor, maybe all those student loans actually will pay off! Meanwhile I am laying in bed covering my eyes from all light so that my eyes can't look at anything so they would stop moving and trying not moving my head at all so the world would stop spinning from all the vertigo. This was the lowest point of my life. I knew something was very,very wrong. I prayed so hard that I would be able to see my kids again and was trying to picture their little faces. I was also afraid that it wasn't just my eyesight and that it is possible that I am going crazy. Why would the world spin like this?! If it never stopped then I was going to go crazy! No joke. After praying for what seemed like forever, I finally found some peace that I knew everything was going to be alright eventually. I heard a voice in my mind "God healeth and dwelleth in your heart." It wasn't loud, but it was very clear. I also knew that it wasn't me saying it to myself because A. I don't talk like that and B. the Spirit said in YOUR heart. If I said I to myself I would have said something like God will heal me, not something so eloquent out of an old English novel when I wasn't even coherent to myself. So I just kept repeating it over and over in my mind to focus, and I didn't want to forget it.

Aric came back with some diagnoses. I was surprised to hear that it wasn't my eyes (or my brain for that matter), but my ears. One diagnosis was Vestibular Neuritis, a virus which attacks the ear causing inflammation (which is what I have), the other was BPPV, which essentially is a like having a kidney stone in your ear, throwing you off balance. They both have very similar presentation. So we hoped for the better of the two, BPPV, which is treatable (although not at all fun) by putting the "stone" back where it belongs in the ear canal. We decided to attempt the "repositioning" by doing a series of head movements. This was the most excruciating part. It technically wasn't painful, but nauseating to the worst degree. I threw up ALOT. The dizziness was overwhelming. I had to move my head to one side, then the other and then lay back and then turn over. I had no control of my body, I was a dead weight. Aric basically had to do this all for me, making sure I didn't hurt myself in the process. We had to do this multiple times to make sure it worked. So I guess to explain how I felt, imagine someone spinning you around over, and over, and over, but NEVER stopping. And then on top of that you can't stop your eyes from moving side to side, it's like my brain really thinks someone is preverse enough to spin me around forever and ever on a boat, and my eyes are just trying to follow the world litterally spinning before my eyes. Now see how sick you feel. Yeah sounds not so fun. It really makes me sick again thinking about how bad that was.

Since the vertigo didn't getting better, and I was severely dehydrated because I hadn't kept food down for 24 hours, we finally decided to head to the ER. Thanks to our wonderful neighbors who happened to be home on a saturday afternoon, Aric drove me to the ER while the neighbors watched our kids and fed them lunch on a moments notice.

At the ER they had lots of trouble getting an IV started so I told Aric to do it. While the nurse was gone he started the IV and she came back in just in time to help him tape it in place. He told her "Not bad for a Plumber, huh?" I wish I could have seen her face. Aric said she just looked wide eyed, started the IV meds and left. She didn't say a thing to anyone, everyone thought someone else started it, she was probably worried this would come back to haunt her. Little did she know Aric was a doctor in the hospital. Atleast Aric got me to laugh. He's always go for a laugh. The ER decided that we should follow-up with ENT, because they thought it may be BPPV. They ruled out anything central like a tumor, or stroke. That is always a joy when they bring up words like that, but atleast they ruled it out. I was finally keeping food down so they discharged me.

Monday I had an appointment with ENT at the May Clinic. It is nice to know people. Aric has rotated on ENT service, so he knows most of the department. And we have 2 of the ENT residents in our ward who are our friends. So it was easy to get a same day appointment. Thanks guys! I got to see first hand why Mayo is so great, so many specialties in one place, such great service. Aric pulled up, someone was there to bring a wheelchair for me. I never really paid attention to those people standing outside that seemed more like doormen at a hotel. As I sit in the lobby waiting for Aric to park to take me to my appointment (we declined the door-to-door service) I listened to beautiful music on the grand piano. Someone old guy tried to talk to me, but I decided that it was not worth turning my head and opening my eyes and possibly throwing up. I could feel everyone staring at me. I know I looked horrible, I just pulled my hat down lower and tried not to move. We checked in at the ENT counter, and then sat down in a corner. Aric said I looked like the sickest person there. Hurray! It was excruciating sitting up, the vertigo was terrible, I just wanted my bed. I still hadn't opened my eyes much since Saturday, so I just clutched my barf bucket we took from the ER hoping I wouldn't need it out in the lobby. I just wanted to get this over with. We finally got in and talked to our resident friends. One of our friends, Doug H., just patted my head at the sight of how pathetic I looked. To sum up the conversation, the Doctors and I decided no steroids at first because of the baby. If I didn't get better, than maybe more tests, rethink meds. They thought it would be about two weeks for me to be all better, such that I would be driving- I knew that I would have to be all better before I drove, the people on the road don't need to suffer too. A month tops. But the likelihood of that seemed impossible at the time.

So for about a week Aric ditched medical school and took care of me full-time. He feed me in bed, wiped the crumbs off my face, brushed my teeth, and seriously had to drag me to the bathroom. It was a very humbling experience. Not one I would be happy to repeat. But he was awesome. I never had to ask for anything he always anticipated what I needed. Thanks Aric you are truly amazing. All those muscles aren't just for show. Brecklen and Hannah would sometimes join in a feed me too. I didn't know if I wanted them to do that, I think it ended up being good for Brecklen, he was so sweet. Thanks to our wonderful, wonderful friends, Aric was able to take care of me and the house without the kids during the day. It was so nice to not have to worry about them. I knew they were having a much better time at their friends houses then they would have had at home. Thanks to Darin and Beth, Lydia, Janee, Jen G., Ann, and Tonya. You guys are amazing friends and without you our family would have fallen apart. Thanks for the dinners and watching our kids ALL day every day that crazy week. You came to our rescue! I am your babysitter for life, or for as long as we live in Rochester.

After a week things had not progressed quickly at all. The vertigo was as strong and fast as ever, I still couldn't walk anywhere, except stumble to the bathroom on my own and feed myself. It's ok to laugh, it's funny, but it that was big progress for me. We decided that we had used our friends for too long and it was time to call in the reinforcements, my mother. I wanted me friends to still like me when this was all over. So we called my mom Friday, and she was here Saturday. Aric couldn't have been more relieved. He was, I'm sure, exhausted from a long week of taking care of everything, and truly needed a break. He had medical school finals coming up next week and needed to pass so that the med school couldn't complain that he ditched class.

It was quite an adjustment for the kids though. Hannah rebelled alot, didn't want my mom to do anything for her, but my mom just plugged along like it didn't phase her. Although Aric kept the house spotless, I have to say it was cleaner then when I'm in charge, my mom had a weeks worth of laundry to do.

That second week I was making short trips to the living room so my kids wouldn't forget they had a mom. I was reading, although it was hard to focus. My vision is still off, everything is sort of blurry. But then it is hard to focus when the world is spinning. It was getting frustrating because the doctors expected me to be well and driving by now. I have only made it outside of my house to go to see the doctor, and then only being carried to the car, and by a wheelchair to get around. Not on my own two feet yet. I could stumble around my house, with the use of walls. At the end of my second week I visit my Obstetrician. She's like my girlfriend, so it was nice to see her. She thought baby would be okay, but has never treated anyone with Vestibular Neuritis. Aric couldn't find anything published on the subject either. That didn't make me feel good. So it's pretty uncommon to get this at all, and even rarer, perhaps never happened (or most likely no has ever taken the time to publish) that anyone as fortunate as myself has comedown with this while pregnant. I really do have incredible luck(for the unfortunate). It was interesting going back to the Mayo Clinic in a wheelchair. I didn't get to see anyone staring at me last time, but this time people would look at me and I could see what they were thinking. Why is she in a wheelchair? What's wrong with her? Everyone moves out of the way for you and gives you the look of pity. It was quite a social experiment. I told Aric his med school class should do this to see what it's really like to be on the other side of things. Aric had his own fun. He kept flipping my chair up and when he took me outside to sit and wait for him he asked me if I needed a smoke. I of course laughed because it was so random and declined. There were a few people outside with us and am sure were wondering why this pregnant girl sitting in a wheelchair would dare to smoke. Good thing she didn't, no wonder she's in a wheelchair! I just had to laugh because first of all I don't smoke, just in case any of you doubted, but I was picturing what it would look like if I did.

My OB doc approved steroids. Said baby would be fine. So we contacted ENT and they wrote the prescription. Things didn't get better. Actually they got worse, so we started to worry that it could be something more serious. They kicked up the steroids a notch and that seemed to do the trick, after about a week. Slowly things started to finally progress. I was able to move around more, but not quite able to go outside and walk around. During this time Hannah came down with the stomach flu. That was really fun. I couldn't help out much, but Aric and my mom had to clean up lots of throw up. I was REALLY glad my mom was here to help me with that.

By the beginning of my third week, I was going stir crazy. I thought I knew what cabin fever meant living through many Minnesota winters. I was ready to jump out the window by this time just to be outside. I really just wanted to go outside and run around with my kids. Aric had a Chief Dinner coming up and it was my goal to be there. This is pretty much a graduation of the 6 year Oral Surgery program. It is not something to miss. I had missed out on alot these past few weeks and wanted a life again. So I went to the mall with my mom and the kids to go looking for some flat shoes so I atleast wouldn't fall on my face while trying to look presentable to Aric's work friends and colleagues. This was the first time in 3 weeks I walked outside of my house on my own to feet. It was momentous, at least to me. It was not really fun being at the mall, though. Turning around and looking for my kids all the time was very nauseating. I was so tired! I guess sitting in your bed doesn't do wonders for your circulation. We had a fun time at the Chief Dinner, and I didn't fall or make a fool of myself. I just tried to sit as much as possible. It was really nice to get out of the house and have a great meal too!

Well, then things took a turn for the worse. Talk about kicking someone when they are really down. I really love the kiddie play area in the mall, but it is full of germs, and sometimes we get really sick after playing there. This was no exception. I don't know what it is about Rochester, but illnesses seem to move through this city like a wave. You just have to wait for your turn to get hit. Early Monday morning (1:30am) Brecklen and I got hit with the stomach flu. I heard Brecklen at the top of the stairs so I came up the stairs to see what was the matter and stepped in his vomit. I took him to the bathroom to help him throw up more, went to clean the other vomit up that I stepped in, while seriously trying to not throw up myself. I didn't want to clean that up too. I was still in my "drunken" stupor of dizziness and not able to move around well, this took alot of effort. I go get him settled after ripping his gross sheets off and then I make a bed on the floor in his room for me. Trash buckets for both of us. We both threw up about every half hour for many hours. Brecklen eventually stopped throwing up, but not me. I kept throwing up into the day. Aric had to actually go into work that day, but thankfully my mom was there to take care of us all and saved the day again. Brecklen just sat around and didn't eat anything, but I was on my death bed. It was bad. I couldn't eat or drink and was getting worse by the hour. I layed in my bed all day, not doing a thing and I couldn't sleep. By the time Aric go home he was worried, not much worries him. He was about to take me to the ER again to get IV fluids, but he would just try one thing. I had one more lingual Zofran ( my saving grace). You just put it under your tongue and it dissolves. It helps keep you from throwing up so you can eat. Aric was able to keep me from throwing up my water by lots of distraction, and in time I was able to hold water and food down. That was close, we made it out of the woods. It set me back a bit on my recovery as a whole, but I was glad to be over the flu. So here I am a few days later doing better. Today I think I am going to try to go outside with my kids and walk around. My mom is going to be here another week. I hope I will be all better by then, but I think it's just going to take a long time for me to feel completely normal. But at least for the time I can walk outside with my kids and watch them run around. I don't want to miss out on them growing up.

Thank you to so many who helped me and also prayed for me during this time. It was much appreciated, and your kindness won't be forgotten.